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  • Listening to: Girl Talk
  • Reading: Nothing at this stage
  • Watching: The Walking Dead
  • Playing: COD: BO
  • Eating: nothing
  • Drinking: Coffee
SO despite my best efforts life got busier all of a sudden. Between working and training and teaching getting out and about with my Camera basically wasnt going to happen. I've been itching to do it so with work cuttin gback my hours and Christmas coming up I am making time for my love again.

I would really love to develop as a photographer and actually LEARN what all the settings can do.

..would be nice to try some new things.

Anyway I hope all is well. MY training has been awesome. Crossfit has definitely made me a more determined fierce woman. As I keep telling people - I am a god damn superhero. lol. I can do pull ups, put heavy weight overhead, swing kettlebells like its easy, do real push ups, run and run and run and run. I'm also trying new things and testing my physical capabilities. Like Handstand Push ups (which I got finally) and things on Olympic Rings.

Also my sword stuff is amazing now that I am stupidly strong and fit. If people could see the bodies before, they must think I'm damn near psychotic when I'm doing patterns.

Seriously, me, superhero.
I'd be suprised if anyone even remembers me or cares so here it goes.

The past 6 months have been CRAZY. Dan and I have been together for a little over a year now. He's joining the army and I am going with him. I had a job, got fired for costing too much. I had to quit my fitness course because I couldn't afford it. I don't do haidong gumdo in an official training at a dojang anymore. Though i still train regularly for myself. No need to air what happened there but lets just say that the way males in authority feel the need to tear apart female martial artists whom are growing in the sport is fucking disgusting.

I do Crossfit now which, for those not in the know, its a high intensity program developed around creating a more balanced athlete. Someone who can run fast over multiple distance, pick  up heavy stuff, throw around lighter weights and do body weight at high reps super fast. Someone who is strong with endurance, capacity, ability to handle high volume, who can jump high and play around on olympic rings.

Fuck yeah, I'm now completing my transformation into total bad ass.

I dont know what I am doing in life anymore and I'm shit scared. I need to start to draw again somehow.
Hey, sorry I havent been around lately.

Things that have been keeping me away include:
-motorcycle rides
-playing on quads
-instructing some more

which has left me with no creative juice left to spare. Creating lesson plans and training schedules while studying anatomy, exercise physiology and general other assorted fitness training things uses up a suprisingly large amount of creativity.

But I'm on a (kinda) break now, and I am hoping to get my camera out to document whatever comes my way. We're planning a sword photoshoot sometime this summer and hope to hit the beach at some stage. Many plans to get the camera out on a motorcycle trip (hopefully more then one) too. So hopefully I will actually submit some stuff sometime soon. lol.

Otherwise I send all my love and thoughts to everyone this holiday season. A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS to you all.

I was tagged by ~candyapplesex
1. Answer the following questions and post it in your journal.
2. Tag all your watchers. (Add a comment to all of your watchers)
3. Post "You've been tagged. Read the rules in my journal entry."
in the comment.


Real Name: Lani
Nickname: Cupcake, Babe, Chook
DeviantArt Name: Tiger-angel
Country: AUS
Gender: Female


Colour: Green and Purple
Food: Fruits
Drinks: Herbal Tea
Movie at the moment (1only): Death Proof
Song at the moment (1 only): Coming Home Soon by Latch Key Kid
TV Program (1 only): Currently True Blood
TV Channel (1 only): Dont watch real TV so probably HBO?
Book: Currently anything by Lillith Saintcrow
Ice Cream flavour: Strawberry

What do you like most?

-Sweet or Spicy?:
-White chocolate or dark chocolate?:
-School or Mall?:
-Desktop Computer or Laptop?:
-Ice Cream or Cake?:
Ice cream
-Anime or Cartoons?:
-PSP or PS2?:
-Sony or Panasonic?:
-RnB or POP?:
NEITHER god damn


-What is your most favourite deviation in your gallery?
Currently probably the fire twirling series
-Who is your first watcher?
Oh lord I dont know! I love everyone who watches me
-How many watchers do you have right now?
-How many deviation/s do you have?
-At the moment, how many are your page views?
-Whom of your watchers do you talk the most?
-Are you a subscriber?
-When did you start using DeviantArt?
Sorry for being away so long. I've been so hectic the past few months that I haven't had the chance to get the camera out, let a long edit and post them. I've finish my Fitness course so now I am a qualified fitness instructor which just adds to my skills as a martial arts instructor, so now I have time while I am looking for work again however the course has sparked my brain into gear once again and I am keen to learn more about anything! I'm currently trying to learn the native tongue of Norfolk Island as my boyfriend is from there and has grand plans of taking me there over the summer.

Other then that I have been playing with Motorbikes and playing with swords and generally just having a blast! I definitely need to get my own motorbike sometime in the near future - its always been a big want but after cruising around on the back of my boy's I want to go play on one by myself. The closer we lean in a corner the bigger the grin on my face which I just think goes to prove that I'm meant to be on a bike.

Anyways I hope to get some shots of the boys on their bikes playing mid corner and what not so hopefully I can get that done soon and post them up. We just need a clear weekend! Wet Weather does not make for happy bike riding (unless its in the mud on a dirty). Plus I have a few other ideas I want to toy with on my camera.

Hope everyone else is well!
Woah, Holy moses. One of my favorite photos (that I've taken) was featured! [ Here:… ]

Its really encouraging me lately to try to find the time to do more photography. I'm going to have to get my hands on a less professional more portable camera for when I go on bike trips with my boy. We go to some really beautiful places and it would be fun to get some photographs from those trips. As for rust, I've always found it beautiful in an odd diseased way.

Thank you for featuring me!
Wow, what a great response to the fire twirling pics. Thank you so much to everyone (and there was a lot of you) who :+fav: or commented. Its really encouraging for me, and gives me a great indication that what I'm doing is working right now. I really love fire and I love the abstract art that the twirling creates on long exposure. Its certainly something that I want to continue to do and to get better at.
So this weekend was tournament weekend. I didn't train on Saturday, I taught instead - just to keep myself active without wearing myself out. It seemed to keep the nerves at bay until I stopped moving and had time to think. Fortunately there was a lot of cleaning up to do and a few students may have accidentally got the brunt of my nerves and had an over perfectionist session with me.

sorry guys.

Sunday was a long day, inside the tournament venue was well into 40*C with very little air flow. And of course with everyone competing, warming up, stretching and practicing it probably increased the temp just enough to make it completely unbareable. they had only 3 rings instead of 4 so that made the running time go longer too. It also pushed all my events back further. The general run of a tournament is: get all the kids out of the way first and the adults can hang out for most of the day waiting - it never really goes that way though.

My first event was Weapons, but I was so nervous about fighting later that I fluffed it up. I still got 3rd out of 8 was 3rd. There was more interest in Weapons this year but I think gumdo will always have an edge. Other then the fact that swords are just cool, Gumdo is all sword all the time and it makes it highly competative against clubs who have one pattern for the same weapon. Also the Gumdo people have upped the standard for ourselves this year. It makes it hard to beat us.

Unless you fuck it up. haha.

Onto my open hand stuff. I did forms first (took it out), Then Points sparring which I hate (2nd).

then a long wait till we got to Continuous Sparring.

Now, I'm a pretty aggressive person. I've spent a lot of time trying to simmer myself down, but at the end of the day my aggressiveness is just apart of me. Granted, I am a lot better then I used to be. I have a lot more control then I used to. I still see red when I get hit and..well..I hit back.

The first round I was in I got disqualified. I didn't get a chance to fight again. I hit her about 5 times HARD in the face, and almost took her out with a right hook. And it was a beautiful right hook. It really was. But I got a DQ. I didnt even get a warning, it was pretty much instant. Jim Casey (who runs the whole show) kept it going though. Everyone thinks he was enjoying it.

I try to learn control. And I will keep learning control. But its going to be harder the more I train in contact Karate/Kickboxing.

Ah well, I had fun. XD
"Of course it's hard. It's supposed to be hard. If it were easy, everybody would do it. Hard is what makes it great."

-Jimmy Dugan, A League of Their Own

I really like the new DA layout. JSYK

Life has been Training/Work and as of Feb 23rd it will be School/Training/Work. I'm planning on starting Crossfit when I start my course as there is a gym right near the school. Its just so hard to MOTIVATE myself when I do weights. I need someone there to push me and to compete against. Running is cool, Running i compete against myself. Weights, I dont know why. I love doing weight work, but I find it so hard to not get bored out of my mind. Though with Running I used to find that until I started running OUTSIDE, which kicked my ass but made it so much more enjoyable.

Ah well maybe I will just do my training with Leon and let him make me feel weak which always motivates me to go hard. haha.

First round of NAS is March 1st. I'd like to do well this year, rather then the complete crap I was last year. I guess it wasnt so bad, my national rankings have me 2nd in Demo with Master Cheri, 5th in Advanced female forms and 8th in senior weapons. Its the weapons that kills me. I hadn't trained all year for karate and I got 5th and Gumdo i worked my ARSE off and I got 8th. ah well.

Its not like NAS really counts. its overrun by GKR and is totally biased. I'll spar this year for the hell of it. May as well. Though that will prove interesting as I'll be training in full contact with Ethan this year. Still hope I have that switch in my head that allows me to go from contact to no contact fighting.

Still planning to move to melbourne at the end of this year.

I've lost my charger for my camera. I'm so pissed off about it too. all I want to do is run around and take photos of stuff.
To anyone who reads this: I hope 2009 is a happy year for you, that your dreams become a reality and that you find your forward momentum.

MY NYE kinda sucked. Like with Christmas, I was by myself. I wasn't always going to be by myself but then I couldn't go out because I couldn't wear shoes. Seems i was bitten by something and now my feet are covered in blisters.

Oh yeah, Christmas sucked too - just so you know. Working in retail on christmas day always is going to be a downer. Let alone coming back to an empty house with no appetite.

So yeah two major holiday celebratory days that blew by me like they were just other days.

Last night was spent listening to instrumental scores, watching bad 90's teen movies (ah the nostalgia) and reading 'One Bullet Away' by Nathaniel Fick (an autobiography from a platoon commander in the US Marine's and one of the CO's in Generation Kill).

my brother is home for a while before heading off to do extra training for Afghanistan. He's going to give me his body weight circuit and his Fartlek course to do, because he thinks my other brothers training regime is a POS (like I do! imagine that).

So yeah, now I sit around wish my feet would stop hurting so much. urgh.
So work has eaten into my workout time. Which I dont like, but I will live with for now. I'll just have to find the time, and learn to pick when I sleep so I'm not so exhausted all the time (have i mentioned that graveyard shifts suck??).

So I'm about 5kgs off my ideal weight and about 8 off my 'happy' weight. I've dropped about 5kgs and 4% body fat in the past month so thats awesome. I just want it to go faster. I've worked up to doing 1.2kms running on the road and about 3km on the treadmill (4.5 if I do interval training instead). With my shoulder having been royally screwed for a while I've dropped the weight i've been lifting down and started to climb again. My favorite exercises (for various benefits and reasons) are: Cleans, Dead lifts, Bent over Rows, Australian Pull Ups, Dead Bug Crunches, Mountain Climbers, Dumbbell Swings, Turkish Get ups, Explosive Squats, Squats to front kick, Lunges with a twist, Incline Bench Reverse Crunches, Pike on the ball...

Okay so there are a few.

But the worst thing is I feel like I'm starting from scratch AGAIN. Its depressing. I really really really loathe my body right now and I loathe myself for losing discipline. I don't feel strong anymore, I don't feel fit. I feel lazy and fat and its gross and disgusting. But its OK, once I decide something nothing else gets in my way of getting it.   

At least I'm spending Christmas alone (again) this year so I can ignore the whole Christmas feast thing (or people telling me to eat more, urgh) and just workout like its a normal day.
So my life right now is all about working and training. I dont really care for anything else anyway so I dont mind.

This weekend was fun. NAS Nationals is so weird now, actually compared to what I remember, NAS in general is just weird. I competed in my 3 events and came 2nd (Senior Demo with Master Cheri) 4th (Senior Weapons) and 6th ( Advanced Female forms). I started with my forms division and it quickly went into mayhem. I ended up bouncing form ring to ring to compete in my other events. eventually they held off the senior weapons so we didn't have to stress out so much, but unfortunately because of the bouncing I rushed my open hand form.

Okay onto what annoys me about tournaments.

While I didn't compete this year, I will next year. And I've been a competative fighter before. There are a few things that shit me:-

Judges: You are judging a non contact fight. I do understand the difficulty in seeing some things considering you don't have the physical reaction of a hit to gage what is going on. But when someone blocks a punch and kicks to someones head, thats pretty freaking obvious. To not score correctly means that either you have never been in a fight yourself OR you're biased. When someone is sloppy it shouldn't be scored. If you know someone fakes being hit hard you shouldn't allow their competitor a warning, and especially a disqualification. There's a difference between a tap and excessive force. These people are SPARRING. Even if its shadow boxing with someone else, punches and kicks are going to come through.

Competitors: FAKING BEING HIT IS BULLSHIT. If I see one more Oscar worthy performance I am going to end up exploding. AND if you go get hit, don't act so shocked. You're in a ring with someone, often someone whom unlike you doesnt train exclusively in non contact fighting. YOU ARE DOING MARTIAL ARTS. Harden the fuck up.  Rolling punches; There is no technique in martial arts that involves rolling your punches. You look retarded. Running someone out of the ring is bad sportsman ship, be honorable, you're a martial artist. Also, allowing someone to run you out of the ring is bad form. Your instructor has obviously not taught you ring craft.

XMA: Sorry, but..thats martial arts since when? yes, I think its cool that you do back flips and stuff. But I don't consider it martial arts. I think there's such a thing as flashy but GOOD martial arts and what you do is just flashy crap. You mock the rest of us for being traditional, out loud, in a room full of people who could kick your ass. Your gymnastics is impressive but that is all it is. Its showy without a point. That is why real martial artists who are impressive while still doing martial arts kick your ass in forms. Despite not having idiotic music playing.

Dont get me wrong. I love tournaments. But Mixed style tournaments have their draw backs. Its why I plan on moving back to Melbourne by sep next year. I want to train with the best in a style that I love. I want to compete against people who know what they are doing without all the political bullshit and bias.

Ah well. Next year I fight in NAS. So hopefully I can be better. I just need my hip to heal and my fight training to actually start.

Oh and work kind of blows, but its fun. The people there are kind of cool. Well most of them.
001. Real name → Lani
002. Nickname → Lani (people dont give me nicknames, dont know why)
003. Status → breathing with a heart rate of 55BPM.
004. Zodiac sign → libra
005. Male or female → FEmale
006. Elementary → done
007. Middle School → done
008. High School → done
009. Smart → Not always
010. Hair color → Brunette
011. Long or short → as in hair? Long. As in height...Long. haha.
012. Loud or Quiet → depends who i am speaking to
013. Sweats or Jeans → depends on the situation
014. Phone or Camera → camera
015. Health freak – always
016. Drink or Smoke? – Avoid both
017. Do you have a crush on someone? → No
018. Eat or Drink → Drink
019. Piercings → ears, from when I was a kid. But my ears are so sensitive that I gave up on it.
020. Tattoos → Plan on it

023. First piercing → ears when I was 4
024. First best friend → Melissa
025. First award → Athletics, when I was 5.
026. First crush → I think his name was clinton.
027. First pet → Dog named Rastus
028. First big vacation → never really had one
030. First big birthday → 21st.

049. Eating – nill
050. Drinking → Green Tea
052. I'm about to → go for a Run
053. Listening to → Music is my Hot Hot Sex by CSS
054. Plans for today → Workout, Train
55. Waiting for → The shed to clear out of people fixing cars

058. Want kids? → No
059. Want to get married? – No
060. Careers in mind – Personal Trainer, Martial Arts Instructor

068. Lips or eyes → Eyes
070. Shorter or taller? – TALLER, must be taller
072. Romantic or spontaneous → spontaneous
073. Nice stomach or nice arms → thats a hard one, cant I have both?
074. Sensitive or loud → dont mind either way
075. Hook-up or relationship → I no longer really care.
077. Trouble maker or hesitant → both

080. Lost glasses/contacts → My glasses remain missing
081. Ran away from home → Yes
084. Broken someones heart → Doubtfull
085. Been arrested → Ha no
087. Cried when someone died → uh yeah....

089. Yourself → NO.
090. Miracles → Hard to say
091. Love at first sight → not really
092. Heaven → No
093. Santa claus → No
094. Sex on the first date → no
095. Kiss on the first date → yes

097. Is there one person you want to be with right now → No
098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life → I'm wondering if I will ever be happy or content with life or if I will always be striving for that little more. But let the record stand that I seriously HATE my life.
099. Do you believe in God → no
100. Post as 100 truths and tag - yeah no


Yesterdays tournament really highlighted my lack of training. The WORST thing about living here is I dont get to train with Loong Fu Pai people. and LFP people are some of australia's tipy top martial artists. So fuck it, because of this I'll be working my way to moving to melbourne.

anyways. For my sword stuff I got a 2nd and a 4th or 5th placing. I hate that I am not the best. I want to be the best.

Oh and Master Cheir clocked me a good one up side my head. Its all bruised and horrible now. I was seeing spots before my eyes last night. eeks.

So today I am working out HARD. I will do kicking drills. I will do technique specific stuff. And then hopefully I can work out a way to get some of the instruction I need.
Hatchling 1:
Hatchling 2:
Hatchling 3:
Hatchling 4:

yeah I dont even know what to do with these things.

I cant sleep. I need to sleep before graveyard. I'm going to end up crashing and burning then turning into a huge 'blunt to the point of rude' bitch by morning. damnit.
"She wasn't born anorexic, but nowadays she suffers,
staring at these half-naked stars on magazine covers.
feeling pressured by the public.
She only weighs 90 pounds but still sucks in her stomache.
On the inside she's dieing, lying to herself, thinking:
- 5 more pounds won't jeopardize my health.
One day she might just collapse, she can't avoid it.
Too many sleepless nights spent bent over a toilet.
Spewing vomit, like she was an alcoholic.
Praying to a God she never believed in to stop it.
Now she looks like the skeleton she sees in her closet.
So close to death she can taste it, body looks wasted.
Hates life, hates you, hates the way she looks naked.
Now she's feeling drowsy, lousy,
thinking maybe this world's better off without me"
-Someone I once Knew  by Dead Celebrity Status
Ah I is lame. my day off was no productive. Mainly because I upped the ante yesterday at training and now I'm so sore. Every Saturday I put up the weights that I've been lifting. So I did Deadlifts, Cleans, Squats, Body Rows, Dumbbell Rows, Split Lunges and HIIT on top of my usual Saturday MA training. FUN. Am I the only person who likes to torture themselves regularly? something to do with pain and feeling alive as well as exercise endorphins are all good things I suppose.

So back to today. I did a Generation Kill Fanmix.
Which you can view here:…

Generation Kill is seriously my latest obsession. That and The Big Bang Theory. I like Geeky guys and I like army guys. Its one of my quirks. HAHA. But no, in all seriousness Generation Kill got me interested in the socio-political situations in hostile countries and whats been going on in the world. The past few years had me off the radar. That and my brother is off to Afghanistan in 6 months time. So I'd like to understand whats happening now, what might have happened before so I know the possibilities of what might occur in the future. Its like I'm doing school stuff for fun. What crazy mixed up world is this?

Seriously cannot recommend "I wouldn't start from here" by Andrew Mueller highly enough. Its part political commentary part travel book. Reporters get all the cool gigs huh? Yeah I just made a comment that suggested that I think a job that can potentially send you into war zones is cool. There's something wrong with me, seriously.

Seems I have the rambles. Thats what sleep deprivation does to me.
"If there were a map of the solar system, but instead of stars it showed people and their degrees of separation, my star would be the one you had to travel the most light-years from to get to his. You would die getting to him. You could only hope that your grandchildren's children would get to him. But they wouldn't know what to do; they wouldn't know how to hold him… We come from long lines of people destined to never meet."

    - Miranda July

So The next few weeks are going to be busy. A 'i'll sleep till I'm dead' kind of busy. Between working, working, training, competing, training, being 'the nanny' and training some more I think I'm going to burn myself out by Christmas. So my next few days look like this:

Tomorrow: Train, Work from 6pm to Midnight

Saturday: From Midnight head to center, sleep, look after girls/train/run saturday class, Sleep.

Sunday: Look after girls till Cheri returns, in the meantime - Train/Workout

Monday: Work from Mid-day to 630pm, head to center and train

Tuseday: Train/Workout, Sleep, Work from 6pm to Midnight

Wednesday: Workout, Sleep, Start Work at Midnight

Thursday: Finished work at 7am, Sleep, Workout, Sleep Start Work At Midnight

Friday: Finish work at 7am, Sleep, Workout, Train, Sleep

Saturday: Tournament

Sunday: Tournament, Work from 6pm to Midnight

Monday: Die.

Fun times.
So my first day as a check out chick in a service station was intensely stimulating and exciting /sarcasm

I like the people there so that is something i guess. they were suprised and amazed at how smart I was and how quickly I learn things. I guess they're used to dumb people applying for those kind of jobs. meh. Aim low, avoid disappointment. At least its good money and they'll give me shifts. Besides in the current economic climate I am fortunate to have even landed a job. yay me.

Graveyard is going to be a bitch. At least my first few shifts I get to have someone else there with me. And its Jack! Jack and I ended up having a 2 hour conversation one night after training when I went in to get fuel.

Anyway after 6 hours of being perky I want to training and took class and ran them into the ground. Somehow being forced to be nice turns me into a power hungry authoritarian bitch? fun!